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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Wednesday, 22 July 2009 09:11 |
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On 9 – 11, I was experiencing my own 911. For years, I had attempted to push down my fears, traumas, grief, anger and resentments, only to find that my life was getting to be more painful to live. It was becoming harder to deny the deep feelings of emptiness and bitterness that I was experiencing. On the outside, folks saw me as being confident, happy and well adjusted; little did they know that I was quietly dying inside.
 It’s interesting, how we think we know who each of us are. We can put on a mask or masks and pretend to the world that all is well. Yet, that imposter part of us will often wake us up in middle of the night, crying out to be released and healed. Either way, that part will eventually get our attention. It will show up as broken relationships, a loss of a job, a death or an addiction. It will get your attention in the area that you are most vulnerable to. The question is, when that happens, how will you process it? Will you take the stance of a victim, or will you become the victor?
As a nation, we are all, in some ways being called to look at areas in our life where we are wearing a mask that may no longer be serving us. This reality can be painful and a bit frightening especially if we have been living it for a long time.
In my own life, I am going through a shift in my financial arena. For years, I have had the opportunity to live a life full of travels, luxuries and little worry about money. The mask I wore, was one of being cavalry with how money came to me so easily and effortlessly. My steady source of income came from an inheritance. Now due to a variety of circumstances, that is dwindling and I find myself at times in a place of fear and anxiety, wondering if I can support myself. It’s interesting how life has a way of keeping us humble. What I am dealing with is what so many folks have dealt with for years. My life lesson now is to learn to trust my inner most ability and to heal that part deep within that feels helpless and hopeless. So how does one start?
For myself, I have found that taking a personal inventory of my life has been a helpful way to begin removing my mask. This period of transition can be a time of tremendous growth and self-awareness, especially if one is able to befriend their inner critic. This inner critic is that part of our self that finds fault with decisions that were made in the past that may have contributed to the current situation. To be able to look at all areas of our life with a compassionate eye and an acute awareness enables us to look for solutions that create options. Being gentle with our self is a wonderful way to allow deep healing to occur, as we gently remove the mask that we have worn for years. Removing it may create some discomfort because of feeling emotionally vulnerable. Yet, if we can remind our self continuously, that at any given moment we are all doing the very best that we can, helps ease the discomfort. It may be true that perhaps different decisions could have been made yet it is a mote point to beat our selves up for what happened in the past. The way to change course is to become aware of how we want our lives to look. Begin setting realistic goals that include action steps that begin moving you toward your ideal life. As a way to quiet your mind and ease anxiety, practice sitting in stillness everyday. Begin to notice when anxiety builds and take time to breathe and return to a state of balance. With practice, you will notice when you are out of balance. Each time you notice, come back to your breath and back to yourself. Everyday, consciously take one action step in the direction you want to go. If this is done daily, there will be huge shifts. Remember that the mind moves much quicker than the physical world. It took a while to get to where you are in your life and it will take a while to shift it. Practice patience and perseverance.
Finally, remind your self that this process is all part of a continuous journey that has no end. It’s how we show up in the moments of our life. These choice points help determine the direction in which we are going. Remaining flexible and open hearted to possibilities is the best way to fully embrace this journey we call Life. As we continue on this path, we will find many fellow travelers who are also learning to find their way during this period of transition. Together, we can offer support and guidance to one another knowing that we are not alone and that our connections with each other will never be broken.
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Thursday, 09 July 2009 01:00 |
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Debbie Ford, who wrote the book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, has finished a movie called “The Shadow’. It was released June 26, 2009 and is available for purchase. It is a movie well worth watching.
I have been following Debbie’s work for years and had the opportunity to meet her at the Chopra Center in LaJolla, California, and again at the Coronado Hotel in California.
Debbie’s workshops focuses on that part of ourselves that we push away and that we are ashamed of. It’s that part of our self that we don’t like and try to hide. The shadow is sneaky and can show up as a sarcastic remark, as judgment, or in criticism. When uncovered, it often laughs, as if to soften the edges of being dishonest, cruel or unfaithful.
Carl Jung, a psychoanalysis, coined the phrase shadow to describe those places in us that are often buried deep in our unconscious. The parts of our self that we try to forget about and hope that no one sees it. Everyone has a shadow. Whenever we are not in love, joy or light, we are in the shadow.
 I work with individuals and groups who want to uncover their shadow thus shedding some light onto it. They have come to a place in their life where the shadow part of them brings them so much grief and pain, that they want to get to the core of it. It takes courage to do this depth of work because we often go into those places in us that we would just as soon ignore but that keep coming up, reminding us of their existence. It’s like having a thorn in our side. We’re aware that it is there and yet it is illusive and shows up as addictions, distractions, anxiety and depression, to name just a few.
Throughout my years of training and self-healing, I have begun to come to a place of peace within myself, and my shadow. My sense is that the shadow’s initial intention was to protect us. One of the ways that the shadow did this was to help us feel that we were connected to those around us and that we had something in common with others. We could talk negatively of someone, gossip, and “puff” ourselves up because we thought that we were better than the one that was being ridiculed. Yet, that part that we didn’t like in someone else often was a part in us that we didn’t like. This is where the ego plays a huge part in the shadow. If we are proven wrong, the ego expands, and if we are successful in hiding our shadow it expands as well. Often people who begin to get in touch with their shadow may have the dark night of the soul or several, where the parts of them that are no longer working show up in the middle of the night as they are trying to sleep. It’s that anxiety attack that seemingly comes out of nowhere waking them from a deep peaceful slumber.
As one begins to notice the shadow and shed compassion light on it, then the true work of resolving that part can occur. Until we have compassion for that part of our self and become aware of it, as a witness, we will not be able to embrace it. The shadow shows us duality. With the dark is the light. There are saints and there are sinners. This duality allows us to see the contrast that we walk in everyday. It’s finding the balance and honoring all of our self, especially the shadow. By doing this we can heal that shadowy part that has kept us from our pure essence of light, love and joy.
The times that we are in are challenging and as a result are activating many people’s shadows. It’s showing up as road rage, pervasive anxiety, violence, corruption, and betrayal. The shadow is appearing in ways that is evasive and often sneaks up on us when we are not conscious, when we’re stressed out or tired. To become aware of our shadow and how it shows up our life is to begin noticing it. It’s in the noticing that we can begin to come to terms with it, and to begin to heal that part of our self that has been deeply wounded. Give yourself permission to begin this sacred healing through gentle noticing and deep awareness. You may be very surprised at the gems you find deep within your shadows.
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Saturday, 04 July 2009 11:17 |
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 As we step into this Independence Weekend, I invite you to look at the areas in your life where perhaps you could gain more independence. Is it having the courage to say “no” more often, without feeling afraid of how others would respond to you? What part of you is afraid to ask for what is important to you because you are concerned with how folks will view you? Where did so many of us learn that to ask for what is important to us, we felt that we were being selfish? When I work with folks I invite them to look at that part of themselves that is known as the inner critic. That part of us that learned at a very young age, what parts of ourselves were not OK to show up, that we hid away. Perhaps it was the part of ourself that was overly sensitive or loud, and was told by others that was not appropriate.
I would like to explain what I mean when I refer to a “part” of ourself. We are made up of many parts. We have a whole community of parts in our head. A part of us wants to do this and a part of us wants to do that. Many times our parts are not in alignment with each other. To live a life that is truly whole, is to live a life where all of our parts are in alignment with each other, which create congruence.
As children, we sense the world with our feelings. There's little discernment because we lack experience. Often these are the unfiltered parts of ourselves that pick up what is being said and notice when the words don't match the action. For instance, have you ever talked to someone who said one thing and yet acted in a completely different way? This is known as being incongruent or dissonant which creates confusion. We may notice and sense this and yet how many times do we disregard it because we question our inner knowing or intuition? This is our inner critic at work. That part of us that questions our knowingness because we may have been told at a very early age that what we felt was not the truth. The inner critic is clever and has learned ways to survive even if it meant that it caused us harm or discord. Initially the inner critic showed up to serve us. It's positive intention was to protect us, yet in over use it causes harm. The inner critic protects us by making us aware that what we are doing or feeling is not right. So, we are the one's who shutdown that part of us rather than letting someone else do it. If someone is afraid of asking for what they want, they may unconsciously set themselves up to be told no. For instance, someone could ask for a raise and be told that it's not time. Instead of standing up and saying that they deserved a raise, a part of them may agree with what the boss is saying and not feel confident enough to be assertive. It can do us harm because we may learn to shut out a very important part of our self. When we can show up with all of our parts, warts and all, we can truly be present in our life.
So, how do we begin working with honoring our inner critic thus creating more independence or freedom to show up with all of our wonderful parts? With gentleness and with practice we can begin to notice when we are not being congruent with ourselves and shift out of that. This begins with noticing when you feel empowered or dis-empowered with how your needs are being acknowledged. To notice, is the beginning of bringing the unconscious conscious. The inner critic is the unconscious part of ourself that often runs the show. To bring the unconscious forward we can see what we are dealing with and resolve it. To become witness to this with compassion and grace we can begin addressing those parts of us that we want to change. Perhaps you could elicit the help of a friend, as you begin this journey. It's powerful to have someone be witness to your unfolding. One notice at a time, the awareness will increase.
So, happy Independence Day! Let all of your yummy parts show-up.
With a Grateful and Very Full Heart, Catherine
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Written by Catherine VanWetter
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Wednesday, 01 July 2009 10:00 |
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I don’t follow the news much these days, partly because I have been aware of how I am affected by all of the negative spin that has been put on what is happening globally. With that in mind, I have made a conscious choice to be very deliberate in what I do watch, learning to put everything into perspective.
My attention, however, has been caught with the recent death of Michael Jackson. I learned about his death through a friend and also saw coverage of it while working out at the gym I belong to. Day after day there has been something about Michael and the wonderings of what happened. I became curious as to how it was that so much attention was put onto his life and death. How is it that so many can die, yet there are a few who have the limelight put onto them after departing?
I happened to catch an interview of Deepak Chopra as he spoke of his long time relationship with Michael. The major point that he emphasized was that throughout Michael’s life those around him enabled him. That is, people took care of him and to some extent protected him from harm’s way.
What I was struck with by this comment was how, perhaps, as a nation we have been enabled by those around us to not be accountable or responsible for decisions or actions that we have made. I look at my own life and realize how I have relied on forces outside myself to keep me safe and to take care of me. When I allow myself, without judgment, to look at different aspects of my life, I realize that in some areas, I have perhaps been taken care of too much.
As a nation, many of us have lived in a pseudo wealth mentality thinking that it bought us happiness. Having easy access to whatever we have wanted to purchase or what we thought would bring us fulfillment. In the past, it was easy to get multiple credit cards and spend money that perhaps we didn’t have.
 Now that the paradigm or reality of over-consumerism is cracking, folks who have been used to having so much, are finding that they are having to cut back. What was so easily purchased or obtained is now not as readily available. As a result, many folks are experiencing fear that their needs will not be met or that they will be able to take care of themselves.
What if, what we are looking for, is slumbering quietly within us? That it isn’t out there, it is inside of us.
What does that mean? It means that what we may have been illusively searching for, that thing out there to make us happy, is only a temporary fix to a feeling of emptiness within. Perhaps looking within to what we really want is what we are all being called to explore.
I can recall countless times that if I misplaced something, I simply went out and bought another one. Now, I have the acute awareness to be grateful for what I have taken for granted in the past. As a result, I look around my surroundings and notice how truly blessed I have been over the years with everything that I been given. Noticing this, I am releasing that which no longer serves me and finding that life is becoming less complex and fulfilling.
I am reminded of people in other countries who, according to our Western standards, have nothing compared with what we have. Yet, they are the ones who seem the happiest with what they do have. They enjoy the simple pleasures of being with family and friends. Of being grateful for the water they drink and the fruit from which they harvest.
Somehow many within the US have forgotten these simple pleasures. In the big pictures, perhaps we are all being reminded of what truly fill our hearts from the inside out.
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